Fat Suit

So… running. I miss it. It’s like a bad relationship- you say you need space, and then you take it but it’s always on your mind, everything you have reminds you of it and you have moments of longing…. That is me and running. After my first two children came into the world, I “celebrated” with a half marathon, except for Ella. I was sadly sidelined. And I was actually sad about it!

So what happened?

I have been asked alot of questions about this, as well as my most recent blog about being Brave.

(If you haven't read it- you should- the author is phenomenal if I do say so myself! You can find that entry here: http://justkeeprunningrunningrunning.blogspot.com/2016/06/being-brave.html )

Did I quit because running is boring- no. Actually running is a sanity check for me. A stress reliever. Plus I usually listen to audible books when I run so I tend to run longer just to finish that chapter!

Sadly, though, I was icing my knee and my hip nightly and then it got to the point where it was painful even on the off days. A trip to the Doctor diagnosed me into a large “runner’s knee” category which then landed me in a physical therapy office. Although the consistent visits to physical therapy kept my legs shaved regularly, it was definitely a trying experience. From there the diagnosis was more specific (no I don’t remember what they called it), but the short version is that I had extremely pulled my IT Band, which in turn (because I ran through the pain- I’m tough what can I say?) I then proceeded to pull out the muscle around my hip to compensate. Continuing to attend boot camp with the aches and pains just made it worse. Turns out when the instructor tells you to squat a certain way—pay attention!! Had I noticed earlier that I was squatting with my knees and not my hips I could have saved myself a lot of pain, and co-pays. But here we are! Now I know! A perfect storm of trying to work off an injury had caught up with me.

Forced into a “no running until you’re cleared” turned me into a grumpy momma. So as I braced the brave challenge with my daughter I became hopeful that this would lift my spirits! Why did I take on something new while injured? Well, it’s a moving injury. In other words—exercising and ice are the best way to make it better. The only obstacles I now have (in addition to the mountain I already had) are I don’t have any balance; I have to limit jumping-type impacts and baby my right knee. But it’s a work through type of journey and the longer I wait the worse it will be (insert eye roll and long huff here)!

So what is the goal here? Why are my brave challenges focused mainly on healthy things and not fun things like sky diving? And why am I even doing this? Let’s preface this next part and just point out that I am not looking for compliments or to argue with anyone about what is healthy and what is not. I feel like that is a personal debate and struggle. So here, I will tell you MY opinion and where I am coming from and you can do with it what you will.

I have 3 beautiful, ornery, funny and challenging children. They each own a piece of my heart I will never get back, nor would I change anything about it. But when I go outside to play with them, I struggle. I do not, personally feel, like I am the me I should be. I have not made the healthiest decisions to land me where I should be, but instead have landed me where I am. Blatantly put, I feel like I am wearing a fat suit that I can’t unzip. Where my running clothes fit and not just hide the jiggle! I want to play with my children and be able to enjoy it, not try to catch my breath during red-rover. I want to feel like the me that I should be. Now I have read many different posts and blogs about being happy in the state you are in- and I think that is a great perspective- for other people. For me, I just can’t say that. With the personality I have I would simply not try any more if I told myself I was happy. NOT that that isn’t ok for other people—you go for it if that fits you! But for me, for my kids and for my husband I can do better. And I wholly don’t believe in a goal that ends. For instance, I will do this to lose 20 pounds for the wedding I am in. Nope. I think that sets me up for failure. Instead my goals are more like once I lose 20 pounds, I will start in on the next 10. And I want to be healthy and show my kids how to be healthy. To love my kids enough that I also love myself. Cheesy. I know. But that’s the dill pickle.

Whew! Now that the awkward part is out there- I was cleared for boot camp so I took that as a good start! If you are looking for a challenging workout, let me tell you- this is IT! Not only is the instructor fantastic, but the people in the group as fabulous as well! They even miss you when you cannot make it! If you want a good place to start with intense interval training- this is it! But they will kick your butt so be ready! Don’t let them fool you—they are fierce and they will make you push harder. But I was comfortable in the class. I no longer needed humor to deflect the “there is no way I can do that” feeling and class was a fun place to be! Although I was nursing the ole knee and hip I was still getting in a good workout.

If you don’t know what boot camp is—it’s 40 minutes of continuous interval training. Or, in my opinion, 40 minutes of good ole fashioned sweaty fun. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. I can actually see my muscles and I am no longer a grumpy mom! It’s funny, it’s hard and it’s addicting. Now if you know me, and that my sarcasm is a sign of terrified-ness, there are moments in which I’m not sure if I am going to make it! Some tell me I am dramatic, but humor for me, is a deflector. If you are laughing at me you probably won’t pay much attention to the fact that when she says do 15 burpees I struggle at 10.I have also learned that running isn’t the only sport in which a good bra is needed! Although I love boot camp, and even more so- the people, it’s time to add some flare into the mix!

So why write about this? Isn’t it too personal?

Maybe.

But on the other hand-- Is it too personal?

In my life I have grown the most by people sharing struggles that are very dear and personal to them. Ones that others would be embarrassed to bring up, much less make public. It would truly be an honor to be help in some way to another, goodness knows I have a few that I need to pay forward! Not to mention the adventure of marriage, motherhood and friendship requires moments of pure bravado. Who knows, maybe the extra practice will make the brave face easier to put on!

All that said- at the end of the day- I want to be brave enough to be the me I know my loved ones deserve.

As the Brave challenge begins, and my husband’s availability to be home in time for my evening boot camp I know it’s time to take on a different spin of boot camp and start TRX!

You should totally join me! You know it would be fun(ny)!

More on that later…..

Have a brave day!