During this particular run, I was away for business and had a long evening to myself. I found a local college trail and started out. It was a great scenic trail including ponds, trees… more trees…. plants (that looked a little suspicious) and so forth. But you get the idea, a lot of the same thing, but you can’t beat running on a flat path in nature (without the zooming of cars passing by- well of course they are always honking at my awesomeness!).
It was a long run, it was a 9 mile trot- or should I say shuffle- and I was zoned. The race between your feet and not wanting to be out after dark is a pretty powerful motivator, especially when you are anxiously looking for duct tape on the side of the trail noting that you should turn around ASAP. My friends, I watch Criminal Minds, I know what happens after the sun goes down.So, there I was, I had already hit my halfway mark and I was getting back to the start point. My legs felt like jelly, but I made sure to look like I wasn’t dying every time I passed a young running group from the college- no worries there was MUCH heaving and gagging after they were out of sight. As I turned the bend to run around this small man made pond, I began to realize it was the perfect weather for the kind of reptiles I cannot deal with- so I was all eyes on the path in front of me. Rounding the last turn, there it was… HUGE… LONG… and Black and its beady eyes looked at me like “try and cross here and see what happens.” This snake was a monster and I am sure was a lab rat at the college that escaped and had been eating runners all day long, yet he still looked hungry! I stopped; I am pretty sure I peed a little and began to weigh my options.
First, I could turn around. However, this would add an additional 4 MILES to the 7 I had already run. This would also mean I would be out past dark… Duct tape or snake….
Second, I could just run past the snake repeating to myself “they are more scared of you then you are of them” (which I am CONFIDENT is not true) but it might help me move my lead legs.
Third, and the ONLY sane thing to do, throw things at it. Lots of things, this way the snake is aware I need to cross, and this isn’t his path… that won’t make him mad, right?
So that was my genius plan- I was going to make this work. I found the biggest rocks I could pick up and some logs. Then I began my attack. At this moment in time I also realize that I have no aim. And when I mean no aim, I mean those carnival people made their games to make money off of people like me. That snake simply stared at me like I was an idiot and DID NOT BUDGE! So, I got the bigger rocks and bigger sticks and decided if I added a little noise to the mix this would help. What a show I gave for anyone watching; throwing an object, yelling and for some reason I jumped back every attempt- you never know- that snake could have attempted a strike during mid throw.
Nothing was working, so I decided I could run past it. The sun was setting, no one was around and I was stubborn enough not to turn around. I did a little pre-sprint stretch (ya… I don’t know why either) and began to mentally prepare my mind and physically prepare my bladder to get by this 50 foot MONSTER! Right as I began to go, it MOVED!! As I let out a little yelp and a shudder, I noticed it was actually retreating back into the woods. After it disappeared, I waited an additional 15 minutes, just to be sure there weren’t going to be any surprise attacks and then I proceeded with caution. Beginning with a full out sprint I got past the dreaded imprint in the road that the monster left and continued to run at high speed- well as high as you can after 7 miles and a snake operation.
Eventually I was out of the danger zone, ½ mile later, and slowed down. However, I NEVER stopped looking behind me—you NEVER KNOW!!
Lesson learned here? Run with a BB gun…
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