What goes up.... Doesn't always go down

Everyone knows this is how it works, you throw a ball in the air and gravity takes over, bring that ball back down. However, this is NOT the case when it comes to running. Somehow no matter the route I choose, what goes up just continues to go up and up and up and up. I am baffled by the fact that no matter how short or how long my runs are in my neighborhood, every time I turn on a road I am going UPHILL. Yes, I know this is good for you and works out different muscles, blah blah blah… However, it also dramatically slows down my times as well as flat out (not literally) stinks!

I have found however, that I have mastered a different set of skills while continuing to run UPHILL everywhere. First, I can run up a hill without glancing up once. Just look down muttering left, right, left right until I can see with my peripheral vision, that I have made it up the hill. This makes mastering a monster hill completely doable, as well as non-defeating. So what is the bad side to this rock star method, and why doesn’t everyone do it? Don’t worry; I will be able to tell you because I am a problem finder!

First, in learning the hard way, you should glance up every now and then and look out for parked cars; you never want to know the feeling of actually running into one- I promise. Or the feeling of glancing around nervously to see if any of the neighbors saw you literally run into their parked car (I cannot even imagine had I hit it hard enough to set off the alarm)! On the same note, you aren’t aware of the cars coming up behind you. So, when these drivers are trying to be considerate and go slowly around me I cannot imagine what the driver may be thinking when my reaction to the surprise arrival is to jump, let out a small cry for help, pee a little bit, or do some sort of arm action that is similar to a karate chop (threatening right?).

The second downfall to this wonderful running method would be missing your turn. Okay, okay, I thought it was a driveway, but nonetheless I ran right by it! By missing this particular turn, it happened to add an additional mile to the run to get back on track. (Turning around was not an option my friend… If I start with the shortcuts now I will always turn around!). And by the way, YES it added more hills!

Lastly, you sound like your dying. Hills are hard, even though you burn more calories- you are fighting gravity and therefore you need more to get up them! And seeing as I have much more than the average person to fight gravity for, it is worse. Thus, everything gets harder including your breathing. I am waiting for the day in which someone pulls over and asks me if I need a ride to the nearest emergency room because I just finished “running” a hill. I sound like I am having an asthma attack. Pretty Brutal.

Even with all that said I am determined to run that 26 mile marathon and need to be prepared for those hills so I suppose this is the best way… Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… Or running… or bouncing and imitating a runner… Whichever fits you best!

May you enjoy your hills this weekend!